State of Repentance

If you haven't read Part I - State of Examination please go back and read it (again if you need too). This message will not make much sense without Part I.

Part II - State of Repentance
"For Godly sorrow produces repentance to salvation"...
(2 Corinthians 7:10).

I have been a little slow in getting this part written because the Lord has been showing me so much. I am actually astounded and utterly speechless at the things He has been showing me! There is no way I can write about all of it here but I hope that I can touch on some of things that I have learned.

As mentioned in Part I, when I felt that I needed to examine my heart and make sure that my heart was 100% for the Lord, I was actually doing what Paul was reminding the church of Corinth to do -- to examine themselves. "Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith, examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you -- unless indeed you FAIL the test?" (2 Corinthians 13:5).

When I did this, honestly with myself, I knew that I had failed. Why did I fail the test? Because I had sin in my life. I also had past sin that I had not confessed to him and completely repented. I am not talking about what by human definition would be called any major sin. That didn't matter anyway. When I sat quietly before the Lord and searched deep within my heart I knew that I had not been striving with everything in me to be blameless and free from sin. Sure I was going to the Lord with perhaps an acknowledgement that I had maybe sinned (the "I'm sorry" Lord prayers). But this in itself is not enough. This is not what the Lord requires that we do. He wants us broken hearted before Him. I was not making a conscious effort to STOP the sin in my thoughts before it became a reality. In God's eyes all sin is serious -- even the thoughts of sin. The knowledge of this left me broken and trembling before Him. "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12). I developed a deepened fear of God that swept over me like a tidal wave!

Dictionary.com defines repentance as "deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrong doing, or the like". I was explaining to Beth what true repentance means. I told her to think of it as though sin was a bomb in her hand and in order to get the sin out of her life she had to throw the bomb as far away from her as she could. But it wasn't enough to just throw the bomb. She also had to turn and run away from it as fast as she could or she would risk still being hit or tempted by it. Repentance is not slowly pushing the sin away and saying we are sorry, it is a complete turning away from what can kill us. It is running away from death!

Paul spoke about repentance when he was addressing the church (believers) at Corinth. "For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there may be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances; I am afraid that when I come again my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented of the impurity, immorality and sensuality which they have practiced" (2 Corinthians 12:20-21).

Be careful! The Lord warns that His believers can be deceived and will fall away (1 Timothy 4:1). Oh, friends, be careful of the snares that can drag us away from the faith.

True salvation begins with repentance.

Salvation is not offered or covered by a sinner's prayer.

For we are not born again in Him if we are harboring sin in any way. "He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are; Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother" (1 John 3:8-10).

If you are not born again, you will not inherit the Kingdom of God. "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" (John 3:3).

Oh, how I have been on my face before the Lord asking Him to search the depths of me! I had fallen away from the true heart and complete mind change that the Lord requires of us. I continued to think that I could skirt by, just praying whenever I needed something, or just opening His word in church. It is not the church, the fellowship or its people that grows us up in His truth or that saves us. It is our hearts open before Him, crying out to the only one that can redeem us. It is constantly studying His word so that His truth can be revealed to us. It is true repentance! Please study His word for yourself and see what He will reveal to you.

"...unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:5).

Praise the Lord for Godly sorrow that I may be found blameless! Praise Him for His goodness and mercy! He is so awesome and faithful!

Part III -- State of Evangelism

When God Ran

One of my all-time favorite songs.

Oh, that we would run to meet Him!

Come Back To Him.

"I" Witness

Well, where have I been? Fishing I guess you could say!

I haven't posted in a while which was not my intention. But I did want to update a little about what has been going on. I had mentioned in my post about Celebrate Freedom that I was going to be doing witnessing and counseling at the event this year. This event took place this weekend and I am attaching what I wrote on another website about the event here. I also am doing it a little backwards since I hoped to write a post on why I am doing this, which is still to come. (The $MDB that I am talking about in this post are gospel tracts....it is a million dollar bill tract with a gospel message on the back. When I refer to the Law I mean the Ten Commandments). Here is the account of my day:

A local Christian radio station hosts Celebrate Freedom every year, which is the largest, free outdoor concert in the nation. It is held at Southfork Ranch (yes, where the tv show Dallas was filmed!). This year it was a two-day event and I decided to go out on Saturday. I had never been and decided that I would sign up to be a decision counselor with the intent of bringing the decision makers through the Law. Funny how things don't turn out quite the way you expected!

While it would usually take me a little over 30 minutes to get there, I got a little turned around and ended up getting there after about an hour and 10 minutes because the traffic was horrible. Then, because it has been raining here for months most of the parking was closed so I had to travel two miles away to find parking. Then I had to wait for a shuttle to take me back to the event. While waiting for this shuttle, which was about an hour wait, it started to pour down rain, with horrible lighting. I almost went back to my car to go home. I had already had enough! But then I remembered why I was doing this and that we are supposed to be like the mailman, delivering the news in rain, sleet, hail, no matter what. So I pressed on. While in line I began handing out $MDB. A few Hispanics were behind me and I passed them all around. Two hours later I finally arrived at the event. I could not believe what I saw....thick mud, everywhere! Everybody was covered in mud from head to toe. I knew I was in for a treat. When it came time to "counsel" I began to make my way through the slush. I waited for people to raise their hands and got ready to charge in. A lady raised her hand so I went over and asked if she raised her hand to accept Christ. She said no, that she was just excited and had raised her hand. I quickly moved away to look for someone else (but in hindsight probably should have stayed with her). Everyone was busy with other counselors, including the Hispanics that I had given the $MDB in the shuttle line! I couldn't believe it. But I did hope that by reading the $MDB that something had been sparked in them. I was so heart broken, but hoped that some hearts had actually been opened. I headed back to wait in the shuttle line again to get back to my car.

In the line again I handed out the rest of my $MDB. This sparked a conversation with a small group that had seen a few of the Way of the Master shows. I told them what I was doing and why I was out there. They listened intently and I think were very encouraged. One fellow who was with his youth group said he was going to go home and look at the websites. He was very excited. So, I gave him half of my stack of "Are you good enough..." tracts and all of my blue/pink optical illusion cards so he could take back to his youth group. On the shuttle bus I sat with Pat who was disappointed with the concerts. He said there was too much talking and not enough music. I gave him a "are you good enough...." tract. He then told me that he was unequally yoked with his wife and that she wasn't a Christian. I felt that, as a female, I shouldn't get involved in a lengthy conversation with him at that point but suggested he read the tract and perhaps leave it laying around for his wife. I hope he did. All in all I passed out about 65 $MDB along with the others that I had given away to the church member. I was disappointed that I hadn't been able to engage in any "earth shattering" conversations but pray that the Lord is working in hearts. Oh, and my shoes and socks were ruined! Pressing on!

Vacation Bible School?

Today Beth and Parker enjoyed their last day of vacation bible school. It was a wonderful time had by all. I especially enjoyed the peace and quiet that I got for a little bit! Can't believe that, not only has school been out for two weeks, but now vacation bible school is already over too!

I loved attending vacation bible school when I was a kid. We always got pencils. I loved going so I could get a pencil. The bible stories were great. But I wanted a pencil. I also wanted the little bible pencil sharpener that came with it too.

The kids don't get pencils anymore. What happened to the pencils?

Vacation bible school is not like it was when I was a kid. Now that we go to a much larger church I think the whole idea of it is a lot more complicated. My kids don't go to just hear about the Lord, but now they have to be entertained. And they have to make nice with a whole bunch of kids they might not know.

I was a little surprised when Beth told me earlier this week when I picked her up that she was bored. "Are you really bored?" I asked, a little bewildered that she wasn't having the best time of her life. When I probed further, she said that there was a friend in her class that she had known when she attended preschool. This friend had told her that when they were in preschool she really didn't like her and wasn't her friend. I was a little taken aback. Wow, what vacation bible school spirit! I told her that there was no way her friend meant that and besides they hadn't even seen each other in years. I told her that no matter what her friend said to her that she should always be kind in spirit and tell her that she liked her anyway. I also knew that sometimes Beth could be hurtful with her words too and that we were still learning about respect and hurting each other feelings.

So today when I picked her up I asked her how it was. She assured me that it was a fun day. Great, I thought! When we were on our way home Beth mentioned her friend again. "Was she nice to you today?", I asked.

"Well, she told me that she wished I hadn't come to vacation bible school today, and she still wasn't my friend!"

I could feel the steam coming out of my ears! What harsh words for a 7-year-old to hear, at church of all places. I had to control my outbursts of anger, which then turned to complete sympathy for my child. Wow, I don't remember that happening to me in vacation bible school.

It was then that I felt an instant connection to her situation. I felt He was telling me that the trials I feel will be shared by those of the next generation. A gentle reminder that He should be glorified in all situations. It was a admonition that I should be teaching her diligently about these unexpected let downs, and perhaps expecting them myself.

My eyes then fell on my open Bible to the verses that I had just read this morning. "Do not let those who are wrongfully my enemies rejoice over me; neither let those who hate me without cause wink maliciously. For they do not speak peace, but they devise deceitful words against those who are quiet in the land." (Psalm 35:19,20)

Lord, thank you for not letting our enemies rejoice over us!



I still miss the pencils.

Expectation

Do you ever get the feeling that you are supposed to be doing something?

It's not a feeling of I'm supposed to going to the grocery store right now or I must take the car in and get the oil changed.

It is something deeper.

Something you feel might take a long time to discover but you know in the end that you will find it. The best way to describe it is like I have jumped off the edge of a pool and I am swimming underwater. I can see the side of the pool clearly but it is taking me a while to get there. I am not out of breath. I am looking in all directions trying to find the best and fastest way to reach the edge. The prospect of reaching the edge excites me. I know when I reach the edge it will not be the end of my journey but the beginning.

For the past few months I've had a yearning for some sort of waiting expectation. It's like a gentle tugging at your heart that there is something out there waiting for you but you can't quite put your finger on it. It is just beyond your grasp but you know it is there. Waiting on you to stumble upon it like a long lost friend who suddenly emerges when you least expect it and says the right thing at exactly the right moment. You don't know if it is something that you are supposed to be doing in place of something else or in addition to it.

Before I got married this was the type of expectation that I had. I knew that I would get married and that and old part of my life would end and a new one would begin. I would leave the protection of the pool and pull myself over the edge with new expectations and challenges ahead of me.

In my newly refocused quest for the Lord, I believe that guarded expectation is preparing me for the eternal work of His kingdom. Perhaps what I search for is the continued blessings that he promises for those who follow Him wholeheartedly. It is a search for that perfection in Him that can only be obtained by seeking and praying for His will to be done.

The thought is always there though that if I am not careful I could risk staying in the pool too long. I would risk leaning on my own understanding of how to reach the edge. I would risk being devoured by the unseen sharks seeking to kill and destroy. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). This is when I must ask myself does this yearning come from the Lord? The enemy is cunning and clever. He wants us to focus our attention on anything that will not uplift and glorify the kingdom of heaven. But then I also must ask myself would the enemy be placing yearning or the possibility of glorious expectation on my heart if he knew it was going to further my development in the quest for the Lord? Probably not!

I often hear stories of those wanting to join a crusade for Christ. They feel a tug to be a missionary, donate money, start a bible study group, or reach out to the unsaved. But then the thought fades and they wonder if it was a 'sign' from the Lord. They think perhaps it is not the right time. If our heart was truly seeking the things of the Lord, why would the Lord not be sending us to further his Kingdom? "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels." (Mark 8:34-38)

So, this is where I must leave all feelings in check and step out into the conviction of the Lord with sustained faith and prayer. I do so with full knowledge that the progression of my deepening walk with the Lord will lead to fulfillment in Him.

This fulfillment begins by swimming to the edge.

And, in this ongoing journey it is more than just getting to the edge and stopping. It is our calling, our duty to release ourselves from the seemingly comfortable pool.

"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:11-14).

Will you step out over the edge?

Hollywood and God

As I mentioned in previous post, movies are full of blasphemy. The Lord really is calling us to a higher place.

Sometimes conviction is hard.

One Way.

Jesus.

You're the only one that I could live for.

Hollywood and God

State of Examination

(Part I)
I have been in a state of examination.

A state of re-examination of sorts.

Several months ago I began a thorough review of my heart. I felt as though I was missing some pieces and wanted to find out what they were. I began earnestly praying for the Lord to restore me physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I began asking the Lord to reveal to me what, if anything, was hindering my walk with Him. What astonished me the most was the revelation that perhaps I had not been a true believer all of the time...I had fallen away.

The Lord reminded me that those who do not keep his commandments, his law, are headed for eternal destruction. I had been a backslider, lukewarm in my zeal for the Lord. This was a dangerous place to be. "Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem? Who will mourn for you? Who will stop to ask how you are? You have rejected me, declares the Lord. You keep on backsliding. So I will lay hands on you and destroy you; I can no longer show compassion"(Jeremiah 15: 5-6).

What are his commandments? What are his laws?

All we have to do is look at the Ten Commandments.

(From Exodus 20)
1) You shall have no other gods before me. (Jesus says that we should love him above anything else including our work and our own family. What are you putting first in your life?)

2) You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. (This also means that you should not make up your own god to suit your sins; like one that doesn't judge.)

3) You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain. (blasphemy; includes taking his name in vain out of excitement. I was watching Trading Spaces: Family one day and cringed, the whole family said it about 20 times in about five minutes; Hollywood and movies are full of blasphemy.)

4) Keep the Sabbath Day holy. (The Lord strongly convicted me about working on Sunday.)

5) Honor your father and mother. (Do you have misgivings, bitterness, or hatred toward a parent? This is not honor.)

6) You shall not commit murder. (The Lord says if you have hatred in your heart -- now or in the past, you have committed murder in His eyes - 1 John 3:15)

7) You shall not commit adultery. (The Lord says whoever looks on a man/woman to lust has committed adultery with them in their heart - Matt 5:28)

8) You shall not steal. (Like cheating on your taxes or taking things from work no matter how little.)

9) You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. (In other words, you should not lie); how many fibs, lies or white lies to your kids does it take to be a liar? Just one. "But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death" (Revelation 21:8).

10) You shall not covet your neighbor's house (jealousy).

I was sitting in church recently when my eyes drifted to a verse several passages away from the one we were reading. The passage was about disobedience.

"But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the field. Cursed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. Cursed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Cursed shall you be when you come in, and cursed shall you be when you go out"(Deuteronomy 28:15-19).

Something suddenly was alerted in my spirit. I felt the Lord was telling me that I was in disobedience. But to what? I wasn't sure. I thought perhaps I had just made it up in my head. I shrugged it off. A few days later, I was contemplating how to continue my part-time job at the mall and my jump back into the family mortgage business. I had already put in my notice at the mall but they were wanting me to stay. I love working at the mall so I was really torn about what to do. I couldn't imagine why the decision was so difficult for me. I considered staying on and just cutting my work days down to only once or twice a month.

As I was flipping through the Bible I happened upon Jeremiah 17:21-24 "This is what the Lord says; Be careful not to carry a load on the Sabbath day or bring it through the gates of Jerusalem. Do not bring a load out of your houses or do any work on the Sabbath, but keep the Sabbath day holy, as I commanded your forefathers. Yet they did not listen or pay attention; they were stiff-necked and would not listen or respond to discipline. But if you are careful to obey me, declares the Lord, and bring no load through the gates of this city on the Sabbath, but keep the Sabbath day holy by not doing any work on it, then kings who sit on David's throne will come through the gates of this city with their officials." Then verse 27: "But if you do not obey me to keep the Sabbath day holy...then I will kindle an unquenchable fire in the gates of Jerusalem that will consume her fortresses."

A feeling of something I can not describe shot through me. How could I have forgotten? I did not have to read that twice to know without a doubt what severe disobedience I had been in for nearly two years. Most of the days that I worked at the mall were on Sunday. And, if I had continued to work once a month...it would have been on Sunday! My last day at work was scheduled for a Sunday. I immediately called and said I was done.

I was dumbfounded with myself. When the Lord had revealed disobedience I didn't know what my sin was because I had forgotten, ignored and smoothed over the law. I was still going to church on Sundays so it was okay, right? The Lord did not want ME working on Sunday (This is not to suggest that everyone needs to abandon their work on Sundays. This is my personal conviction at this time). I felt that strongly. I was not putting the Lord first which was breaking the First Commandment also.

Sin is transgression of the law. "Whosoever commits sin transgresses also the law; for sin is the transgression of the law" (1 John 3:4). The Lord says in Matthew 7 that those who do not know him will depart from him! And, if we are sinning the Lord says we do not know him.

"Hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that says, I know him, and keeps not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him" (1 John 2:3,4).

And then there is this: "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all" (James 2:10). How many times had I read that verse? Hundreds of times? You only have to break one law to transgress all the laws of the Lord.

So where did this leave me? Broken to say the least. In a total state of contrition, confession and repentance. I was in a state of shock, not believing that, me, a strong believer could be so subtly deceived. I realized I had not been seeking him as deep as I should have. I was skimming the surface, dipping my toes in for a feel good moment every now and then. I was completely comfortable with my immaturity.

Examine yourself.

Review the commandments above and ask yourself if there is unconfessed sin in your life. What about sin in your past? If you are not sure ask the Lord to reveal it to you. If your heart is open he will let you know. Yes, we are all sinners. But are we turning away from it? Are we desiring to turn away from it?

(Part II -- State of Repentance -- coming soon!)