How Do You Know You Believe?

State of Repentance

If you haven't read Part I - State of Examination please go back and read it (again if you need too). This message will not make much sense without Part I.

Part II - State of Repentance
"For Godly sorrow produces repentance to salvation"...
(2 Corinthians 7:10).

I have been a little slow in getting this part written because the Lord has been showing me so much. I am actually astounded and utterly speechless at the things He has been showing me! There is no way I can write about all of it here but I hope that I can touch on some of things that I have learned.

As mentioned in Part I, when I felt that I needed to examine my heart and make sure that my heart was 100% for the Lord, I was actually doing what Paul was reminding the church of Corinth to do -- to examine themselves. "Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith, examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you -- unless indeed you FAIL the test?" (2 Corinthians 13:5).

When I did this, honestly with myself, I knew that I had failed. Why did I fail the test? Because I had sin in my life. I also had past sin that I had not confessed to him and completely repented. I am not talking about what by human definition would be called any major sin. That didn't matter anyway. When I sat quietly before the Lord and searched deep within my heart I knew that I had not been striving with everything in me to be blameless and free from sin. Sure I was going to the Lord with perhaps an acknowledgement that I had maybe sinned (the "I'm sorry" Lord prayers). But this in itself is not enough. This is not what the Lord requires that we do. He wants us broken hearted before Him. I was not making a conscious effort to STOP the sin in my thoughts before it became a reality. In God's eyes all sin is serious -- even the thoughts of sin. The knowledge of this left me broken and trembling before Him. "Work out your salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12). I developed a deepened fear of God that swept over me like a tidal wave!

Dictionary.com defines repentance as "deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrong doing, or the like". I was explaining to Beth what true repentance means. I told her to think of it as though sin was a bomb in her hand and in order to get the sin out of her life she had to throw the bomb as far away from her as she could. But it wasn't enough to just throw the bomb. She also had to turn and run away from it as fast as she could or she would risk still being hit or tempted by it. Repentance is not slowly pushing the sin away and saying we are sorry, it is a complete turning away from what can kill us. It is running away from death!

Paul spoke about repentance when he was addressing the church (believers) at Corinth. "For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there may be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances; I am afraid that when I come again my God may humiliate me before you, and I may mourn over many of those who have sinned in the past and not repented of the impurity, immorality and sensuality which they have practiced" (2 Corinthians 12:20-21).

Be careful! The Lord warns that His believers can be deceived and will fall away (1 Timothy 4:1). Oh, friends, be careful of the snares that can drag us away from the faith.

True salvation begins with repentance.

Salvation is not offered or covered by a sinner's prayer.

For we are not born again in Him if we are harboring sin in any way. "He who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are; Anyone who does not do what is right is not a child of God; nor is anyone who does not love his brother" (1 John 3:8-10).

If you are not born again, you will not inherit the Kingdom of God. "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" (John 3:3).

Oh, how I have been on my face before the Lord asking Him to search the depths of me! I had fallen away from the true heart and complete mind change that the Lord requires of us. I continued to think that I could skirt by, just praying whenever I needed something, or just opening His word in church. It is not the church, the fellowship or its people that grows us up in His truth or that saves us. It is our hearts open before Him, crying out to the only one that can redeem us. It is constantly studying His word so that His truth can be revealed to us. It is true repentance! Please study His word for yourself and see what He will reveal to you.

"...unless you repent you will all likewise perish" (Luke 13:5).

Praise the Lord for Godly sorrow that I may be found blameless! Praise Him for His goodness and mercy! He is so awesome and faithful!

Part III -- State of Evangelism

When God Ran

One of my all-time favorite songs.

Oh, that we would run to meet Him!

Come Back To Him.

"I" Witness

Well, where have I been? Fishing I guess you could say!

I haven't posted in a while which was not my intention. But I did want to update a little about what has been going on. I had mentioned in my post about Celebrate Freedom that I was going to be doing witnessing and counseling at the event this year. This event took place this weekend and I am attaching what I wrote on another website about the event here. I also am doing it a little backwards since I hoped to write a post on why I am doing this, which is still to come. (The $MDB that I am talking about in this post are gospel tracts....it is a million dollar bill tract with a gospel message on the back. When I refer to the Law I mean the Ten Commandments). Here is the account of my day:

A local Christian radio station hosts Celebrate Freedom every year, which is the largest, free outdoor concert in the nation. It is held at Southfork Ranch (yes, where the tv show Dallas was filmed!). This year it was a two-day event and I decided to go out on Saturday. I had never been and decided that I would sign up to be a decision counselor with the intent of bringing the decision makers through the Law. Funny how things don't turn out quite the way you expected!

While it would usually take me a little over 30 minutes to get there, I got a little turned around and ended up getting there after about an hour and 10 minutes because the traffic was horrible. Then, because it has been raining here for months most of the parking was closed so I had to travel two miles away to find parking. Then I had to wait for a shuttle to take me back to the event. While waiting for this shuttle, which was about an hour wait, it started to pour down rain, with horrible lighting. I almost went back to my car to go home. I had already had enough! But then I remembered why I was doing this and that we are supposed to be like the mailman, delivering the news in rain, sleet, hail, no matter what. So I pressed on. While in line I began handing out $MDB. A few Hispanics were behind me and I passed them all around. Two hours later I finally arrived at the event. I could not believe what I saw....thick mud, everywhere! Everybody was covered in mud from head to toe. I knew I was in for a treat. When it came time to "counsel" I began to make my way through the slush. I waited for people to raise their hands and got ready to charge in. A lady raised her hand so I went over and asked if she raised her hand to accept Christ. She said no, that she was just excited and had raised her hand. I quickly moved away to look for someone else (but in hindsight probably should have stayed with her). Everyone was busy with other counselors, including the Hispanics that I had given the $MDB in the shuttle line! I couldn't believe it. But I did hope that by reading the $MDB that something had been sparked in them. I was so heart broken, but hoped that some hearts had actually been opened. I headed back to wait in the shuttle line again to get back to my car.

In the line again I handed out the rest of my $MDB. This sparked a conversation with a small group that had seen a few of the Way of the Master shows. I told them what I was doing and why I was out there. They listened intently and I think were very encouraged. One fellow who was with his youth group said he was going to go home and look at the websites. He was very excited. So, I gave him half of my stack of "Are you good enough..." tracts and all of my blue/pink optical illusion cards so he could take back to his youth group. On the shuttle bus I sat with Pat who was disappointed with the concerts. He said there was too much talking and not enough music. I gave him a "are you good enough...." tract. He then told me that he was unequally yoked with his wife and that she wasn't a Christian. I felt that, as a female, I shouldn't get involved in a lengthy conversation with him at that point but suggested he read the tract and perhaps leave it laying around for his wife. I hope he did. All in all I passed out about 65 $MDB along with the others that I had given away to the church member. I was disappointed that I hadn't been able to engage in any "earth shattering" conversations but pray that the Lord is working in hearts. Oh, and my shoes and socks were ruined! Pressing on!

Vacation Bible School?

Today Beth and Parker enjoyed their last day of vacation bible school. It was a wonderful time had by all. I especially enjoyed the peace and quiet that I got for a little bit! Can't believe that, not only has school been out for two weeks, but now vacation bible school is already over too!

I loved attending vacation bible school when I was a kid. We always got pencils. I loved going so I could get a pencil. The bible stories were great. But I wanted a pencil. I also wanted the little bible pencil sharpener that came with it too.

The kids don't get pencils anymore. What happened to the pencils?

Vacation bible school is not like it was when I was a kid. Now that we go to a much larger church I think the whole idea of it is a lot more complicated. My kids don't go to just hear about the Lord, but now they have to be entertained. And they have to make nice with a whole bunch of kids they might not know.

I was a little surprised when Beth told me earlier this week when I picked her up that she was bored. "Are you really bored?" I asked, a little bewildered that she wasn't having the best time of her life. When I probed further, she said that there was a friend in her class that she had known when she attended preschool. This friend had told her that when they were in preschool she really didn't like her and wasn't her friend. I was a little taken aback. Wow, what vacation bible school spirit! I told her that there was no way her friend meant that and besides they hadn't even seen each other in years. I told her that no matter what her friend said to her that she should always be kind in spirit and tell her that she liked her anyway. I also knew that sometimes Beth could be hurtful with her words too and that we were still learning about respect and hurting each other feelings.

So today when I picked her up I asked her how it was. She assured me that it was a fun day. Great, I thought! When we were on our way home Beth mentioned her friend again. "Was she nice to you today?", I asked.

"Well, she told me that she wished I hadn't come to vacation bible school today, and she still wasn't my friend!"

I could feel the steam coming out of my ears! What harsh words for a 7-year-old to hear, at church of all places. I had to control my outbursts of anger, which then turned to complete sympathy for my child. Wow, I don't remember that happening to me in vacation bible school.

It was then that I felt an instant connection to her situation. I felt He was telling me that the trials I feel will be shared by those of the next generation. A gentle reminder that He should be glorified in all situations. It was a admonition that I should be teaching her diligently about these unexpected let downs, and perhaps expecting them myself.

My eyes then fell on my open Bible to the verses that I had just read this morning. "Do not let those who are wrongfully my enemies rejoice over me; neither let those who hate me without cause wink maliciously. For they do not speak peace, but they devise deceitful words against those who are quiet in the land." (Psalm 35:19,20)

Lord, thank you for not letting our enemies rejoice over us!



I still miss the pencils.

Expectation

Do you ever get the feeling that you are supposed to be doing something?

It's not a feeling of I'm supposed to going to the grocery store right now or I must take the car in and get the oil changed.

It is something deeper.

Something you feel might take a long time to discover but you know in the end that you will find it. The best way to describe it is like I have jumped off the edge of a pool and I am swimming underwater. I can see the side of the pool clearly but it is taking me a while to get there. I am not out of breath. I am looking in all directions trying to find the best and fastest way to reach the edge. The prospect of reaching the edge excites me. I know when I reach the edge it will not be the end of my journey but the beginning.

For the past few months I've had a yearning for some sort of waiting expectation. It's like a gentle tugging at your heart that there is something out there waiting for you but you can't quite put your finger on it. It is just beyond your grasp but you know it is there. Waiting on you to stumble upon it like a long lost friend who suddenly emerges when you least expect it and says the right thing at exactly the right moment. You don't know if it is something that you are supposed to be doing in place of something else or in addition to it.

Before I got married this was the type of expectation that I had. I knew that I would get married and that and old part of my life would end and a new one would begin. I would leave the protection of the pool and pull myself over the edge with new expectations and challenges ahead of me.

In my newly refocused quest for the Lord, I believe that guarded expectation is preparing me for the eternal work of His kingdom. Perhaps what I search for is the continued blessings that he promises for those who follow Him wholeheartedly. It is a search for that perfection in Him that can only be obtained by seeking and praying for His will to be done.

The thought is always there though that if I am not careful I could risk staying in the pool too long. I would risk leaning on my own understanding of how to reach the edge. I would risk being devoured by the unseen sharks seeking to kill and destroy. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). This is when I must ask myself does this yearning come from the Lord? The enemy is cunning and clever. He wants us to focus our attention on anything that will not uplift and glorify the kingdom of heaven. But then I also must ask myself would the enemy be placing yearning or the possibility of glorious expectation on my heart if he knew it was going to further my development in the quest for the Lord? Probably not!

I often hear stories of those wanting to join a crusade for Christ. They feel a tug to be a missionary, donate money, start a bible study group, or reach out to the unsaved. But then the thought fades and they wonder if it was a 'sign' from the Lord. They think perhaps it is not the right time. If our heart was truly seeking the things of the Lord, why would the Lord not be sending us to further his Kingdom? "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels." (Mark 8:34-38)

So, this is where I must leave all feelings in check and step out into the conviction of the Lord with sustained faith and prayer. I do so with full knowledge that the progression of my deepening walk with the Lord will lead to fulfillment in Him.

This fulfillment begins by swimming to the edge.

And, in this ongoing journey it is more than just getting to the edge and stopping. It is our calling, our duty to release ourselves from the seemingly comfortable pool.

"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:11-14).

Will you step out over the edge?

Hollywood and God

As I mentioned in previous post, movies are full of blasphemy. The Lord really is calling us to a higher place.

Sometimes conviction is hard.

One Way.

Jesus.

You're the only one that I could live for.

Hollywood and God