Disconnected

This morning my internet wasn't working. I was annoyed. To me the internet is like a good book. You just can't put it down. An addiction that starves your brain from oxygen if you don't get your fix.

Without the internet my work goes undone.

I'm helpless. Disconnected from everything.

I tried to unplug a few things and plug it in again hoping to see the green light flicker. I impatiently waited for a sign, a signal that I was connected again. I tried three times.

It didn't work.

I tried really hard not to throw my cable modem across the room. That wouldn't solve anything. That would just make it worse.

Sigh. I was going to have to call customer service. I reluctantly called, muttering under my breath as I dialed that I didn't enjoy this nuisance. When the lady answered I blurted out indignantly that my internet wasn't working. "No problem, ma'am. Let me take a look at your account." Suddenly I remembered. They had called a few times last week saying that they had not received payment. I told them I sent the payment (I had). They said that they hadn't gotten it but would give it a few days to post.

"Did you get my payment yet?", I shrieked.

"No ma'am we did not. Your service has been disconnected."

"What, I sent payment! Why don't you have it?"

"We are having problems with our payments made online."

As calmly as I could I expressed that it sure would have been nice if they had bothered to tell me about the problem instead of just saying my bill was overdue. And that just disconnecting me without letting me know was very unfair! Then I would have avoided this hassle.

I would have been connected.

Sometimes it takes a disconnection to ruffle my feathers. To let me know that perhaps all is not well. I've heard the saying "Plug into Jesus and everything will be all right." It's not all right when there is a balance due and I haven't been paying the full price.

"But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear". (Isaiah 59:2)

He tells us in that verse that he will disconnect from us. He will disconnect! I sometimes plug into God but I don't confess and turn completely away from all sin. That is a frightening thing.

I am so thankful that I found out that I was disconnected. Thankful that he did throw me across the room. Thankful that he paid the full price for us when he suffered and died on the cross to forgive our iniquities. Thankful that we can repent, pay what we owe and get plugged in again.

"I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance." (Luke 5:32)

My internet is working again. I am connected.

Praise God!

(Editor's note: more to come on this subject!)

Weary

Spring is in the air...but not today. Today, I'm tired. The weather is rainy, damp and chilly. I just want to lay my head down in the clothes that I just took out of the dryer and sleep.

As I mindlessly fold shirts, I look around our house that we have been in for over a year now and realize that it needs some serious spring cleaning. The kind that will take weeks...not days. When we first moved in I thought I would really enjoy having our laundry room on the second floor. It'll be great to have it right next to the kids rooms. They will be so wonderful and responsible and just toss all their dirty clothes right into the hamper! I have to admit they do get most of the clothes in there. But it's that one straggler that you've seen laying in the same spot for several days now that gets ya. It calls out to you like the bully on the playground, "Nah, nah, boo boo, I'm a stinky sock and you are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Well, you're full of (gasp)...holes!"

Then I realize...I'm actually having a conversation with a sock. Scary.

Sometimes I feel like I will never get over the weariness. The tick-tock of life going by without a thought. The feeling that you will never catch up, never get organized, never be the perfect friend, wife, or mother. The proverbial rat race of just going through the motions. I realize this is what can wear you out too...trying to do it all without stopping and asking for directions. I am guilty of this...so guilty.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." (Isaiah 40:29)

Days like this are actually mirrors of reflection for me. I seem to be having a lot of days like this lately. How far have I come? Where am I going next? What is the Lord showing me? It's more than just going through the motions...it's setting the wheels in motion. It's turning down the one way road instead of heading full speed in the direction that you are feeling at the moment.

"This is what the Lord says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." (Isaiah 48:17)

Sometimes I don't want to take direction. I still want to go my own way. I want to let out the fishing line as far as it will go and catch everything in sight. I asked the Lord why sometimes I just didn't want to go in the right direction. I confirmed through his Word that I can sometimes struggle with unbelief and trust.

That was a big piece of humbleness pie for me. How can I be so stubborn? How can I not TRUST Him? "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)

As the rain continues to fall, I feel stronger, knowing that the Lord is leading me. He is showing me the things in which I have grown weak and weary.

He is preparing me. He is leading me down the path of righteousness.

I still have a long way to go.

Easter Hee Haw

Yes, we had sort of an Easter hee haw this year. Never thought I would be fishing Easter weekend. In the snow. Down on the farm. When it was about 30 degrees outside! Okay, well maybe it wasn't quite that cold but it was pretty darn close. We took our annual trip to East Texas for Easter to visit the family. Boy we did not plan on it snowing in East Texas....big, fat juicy flakes for about half the day. But we didn't want to disappoint the kids, or should I say, we didn't want to disappoint Trey who had his hopes on going fishing for about two months now.

Luckily enough, the fish were biting! Beth caught 12 fish! Parker caught two but we thought that was a pretty good accomplishment for his first time. I caught zero but that was the plan. I didn't even touch a fishing pole. Or a worm. Or a minnow. I'll leave the fishing to the "professionals".



Anyway, I was too busy trying to warm my frozen fingers by the fire.

Too bad we didn't have any smores! Hum, thought for next year.



Beth and Parker with nephews Tyler and Addison













I love that no matter where I am or what I am doing I can celebrate Easter! Down on the farm. Fishing in freezing weather. I can still praise his name and rejoice that he died and rose again so that we could be set free.

Praise God...He lives!

Lord, Give Me Compassion

A few days ago I received my class of '93 newsletter from Texas A&M. As I was reading the first page, I was really a little surprised at what it said. Obviously lots of my class members have been going through some hard times. It actually mentioned the letters and updates they had been receiving about all the bad news and changes that were taking place. I know it is going on. I see it happening all around me. Divorce, death, people with broken hearts and spirits, and a lot of us walking around with numbness -- no compassion, no feelings. Where has the compassion and down home friendly support gone? I am just as much to blame. Sometimes I can get so caught up in my own world and I just ignore or pretend that there is no one hurting out there. It is too much of an inconvenience to get involved in someone else's problems. Or, when I do, they pull away, which in turn discourages me making me hold back even more.

Our pastor one Sunday even mentioned it. His wife was on her way to take their dog to the vet. She ran out of gas. No one stopped to help. No one. Finally, a Frisco police officer pulled up to offer assistance. She mentioned no one would stop to help her. They were pulling up behind her in the turn lane and honking! He said "Yeah, no one stops to help anymore. They just don't do it."

A couple of months ago, I had just left the hospital from visiting our friend who had surgery. I was feeling an extreme amount of love for mankind that day. The Lord was opening my heart for his people. A feeling of helpfulness came over me. Soon after, I saw a car parked on a side street of a busy road. I thought maybe that person needed help or could use my cell phone. So I pulled up behind the car and stopped. It was an elderly woman who was having problems with her radiator. I offered her my phone but she already had one. We discussed what to do and she finally got her mechanic on the phone. I drove away. She would be fine.

I wasn't able to help much. But I stopped. Something I have never done or least not in a very long while. I just didn't stop for anyone either.

But I stopped.

I think the fact that I recognize my need to offer more compassion and help is God reminding me that he is there to heal the pain and hurting. He is there with arms open wide with more compassion and love than we can ever imagine. I want to cry out to him immediately when a painful memory or situation crosses my path. I don't understand all the reasons that he brings pain. But I do know that it makes us cry out to Him...he wants us to cry out to Him. He is the healer and deliverer of all pain and hurt. And, he reminds me that we will suffer pain. It is part of our growth as believers in Him.

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, if it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good." (1 Peter 4:12-19)

Those verses are powerful. Judgment begins with HIS people. Pain can be judgment from God. I have been in this judgment. I have endured the pain of turning from his ways, even if it seems ever so slight. Most of the time what keeps me on the right track is fear of this pain! The pain that I do endure calls out to me to seek Him with more hunger than ever before.

When Beth or Parker come in with a boo-boo we wash it, kiss it and patch it up and make it all better. This kind of pain is temporary, probably not one that is going to make them cry out to the Lord. Sometimes my compassion in these instances even is lacking because it's not any deep heartfelt pain or suffering. The type that everyone says "time will heal". I want to have compassion in the little things as well as the big things. My love and care with the little "boo-boos" will help me give support when it's needed for much larger ones.

As I pray for the Lord to continue to work compassion in my heart for his hurting people, I rest in His hope. Hope that by our suffering our characters are strengthened for His glory. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

My prayer also is for those that are hurting to reach out to the hope and comfort of our Lord, for His compassion is great.

"The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him." (Lamentations 3:25)

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

"Look upon my suffering and deliver me, for I have not forgotten your law. Defend my cause and redeem me; preserve my life according to your promise. Salvation is far from the wicked, for they do not seek out your decrees. Your compassion is great, O Lord; preserve my life according to your laws." (Psalms 119:153-156)

Happy Birthday!

Today is Trey's birthday!

We hope you have a very good birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TREY!!