Expectation

Do you ever get the feeling that you are supposed to be doing something?

It's not a feeling of I'm supposed to going to the grocery store right now or I must take the car in and get the oil changed.

It is something deeper.

Something you feel might take a long time to discover but you know in the end that you will find it. The best way to describe it is like I have jumped off the edge of a pool and I am swimming underwater. I can see the side of the pool clearly but it is taking me a while to get there. I am not out of breath. I am looking in all directions trying to find the best and fastest way to reach the edge. The prospect of reaching the edge excites me. I know when I reach the edge it will not be the end of my journey but the beginning.

For the past few months I've had a yearning for some sort of waiting expectation. It's like a gentle tugging at your heart that there is something out there waiting for you but you can't quite put your finger on it. It is just beyond your grasp but you know it is there. Waiting on you to stumble upon it like a long lost friend who suddenly emerges when you least expect it and says the right thing at exactly the right moment. You don't know if it is something that you are supposed to be doing in place of something else or in addition to it.

Before I got married this was the type of expectation that I had. I knew that I would get married and that and old part of my life would end and a new one would begin. I would leave the protection of the pool and pull myself over the edge with new expectations and challenges ahead of me.

In my newly refocused quest for the Lord, I believe that guarded expectation is preparing me for the eternal work of His kingdom. Perhaps what I search for is the continued blessings that he promises for those who follow Him wholeheartedly. It is a search for that perfection in Him that can only be obtained by seeking and praying for His will to be done.

The thought is always there though that if I am not careful I could risk staying in the pool too long. I would risk leaning on my own understanding of how to reach the edge. I would risk being devoured by the unseen sharks seeking to kill and destroy. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). This is when I must ask myself does this yearning come from the Lord? The enemy is cunning and clever. He wants us to focus our attention on anything that will not uplift and glorify the kingdom of heaven. But then I also must ask myself would the enemy be placing yearning or the possibility of glorious expectation on my heart if he knew it was going to further my development in the quest for the Lord? Probably not!

I often hear stories of those wanting to join a crusade for Christ. They feel a tug to be a missionary, donate money, start a bible study group, or reach out to the unsaved. But then the thought fades and they wonder if it was a 'sign' from the Lord. They think perhaps it is not the right time. If our heart was truly seeking the things of the Lord, why would the Lord not be sending us to further his Kingdom? "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels." (Mark 8:34-38)

So, this is where I must leave all feelings in check and step out into the conviction of the Lord with sustained faith and prayer. I do so with full knowledge that the progression of my deepening walk with the Lord will lead to fulfillment in Him.

This fulfillment begins by swimming to the edge.

And, in this ongoing journey it is more than just getting to the edge and stopping. It is our calling, our duty to release ourselves from the seemingly comfortable pool.

"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:11-14).

Will you step out over the edge?

Hollywood and God

As I mentioned in previous post, movies are full of blasphemy. The Lord really is calling us to a higher place.

Sometimes conviction is hard.

One Way.

Jesus.

You're the only one that I could live for.

Hollywood and God

State of Examination

(Part I)
I have been in a state of examination.

A state of re-examination of sorts.

Several months ago I began a thorough review of my heart. I felt as though I was missing some pieces and wanted to find out what they were. I began earnestly praying for the Lord to restore me physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I began asking the Lord to reveal to me what, if anything, was hindering my walk with Him. What astonished me the most was the revelation that perhaps I had not been a true believer all of the time...I had fallen away.

The Lord reminded me that those who do not keep his commandments, his law, are headed for eternal destruction. I had been a backslider, lukewarm in my zeal for the Lord. This was a dangerous place to be. "Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem? Who will mourn for you? Who will stop to ask how you are? You have rejected me, declares the Lord. You keep on backsliding. So I will lay hands on you and destroy you; I can no longer show compassion"(Jeremiah 15: 5-6).

What are his commandments? What are his laws?

All we have to do is look at the Ten Commandments.

(From Exodus 20)
1) You shall have no other gods before me. (Jesus says that we should love him above anything else including our work and our own family. What are you putting first in your life?)

2) You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. (This also means that you should not make up your own god to suit your sins; like one that doesn't judge.)

3) You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain. (blasphemy; includes taking his name in vain out of excitement. I was watching Trading Spaces: Family one day and cringed, the whole family said it about 20 times in about five minutes; Hollywood and movies are full of blasphemy.)

4) Keep the Sabbath Day holy. (The Lord strongly convicted me about working on Sunday.)

5) Honor your father and mother. (Do you have misgivings, bitterness, or hatred toward a parent? This is not honor.)

6) You shall not commit murder. (The Lord says if you have hatred in your heart -- now or in the past, you have committed murder in His eyes - 1 John 3:15)

7) You shall not commit adultery. (The Lord says whoever looks on a man/woman to lust has committed adultery with them in their heart - Matt 5:28)

8) You shall not steal. (Like cheating on your taxes or taking things from work no matter how little.)

9) You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. (In other words, you should not lie); how many fibs, lies or white lies to your kids does it take to be a liar? Just one. "But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death" (Revelation 21:8).

10) You shall not covet your neighbor's house (jealousy).

I was sitting in church recently when my eyes drifted to a verse several passages away from the one we were reading. The passage was about disobedience.

"But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the field. Cursed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. Cursed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Cursed shall you be when you come in, and cursed shall you be when you go out"(Deuteronomy 28:15-19).

Something suddenly was alerted in my spirit. I felt the Lord was telling me that I was in disobedience. But to what? I wasn't sure. I thought perhaps I had just made it up in my head. I shrugged it off. A few days later, I was contemplating how to continue my part-time job at the mall and my jump back into the family mortgage business. I had already put in my notice at the mall but they were wanting me to stay. I love working at the mall so I was really torn about what to do. I couldn't imagine why the decision was so difficult for me. I considered staying on and just cutting my work days down to only once or twice a month.

As I was flipping through the Bible I happened upon Jeremiah 17:21-24 "This is what the Lord says; Be careful not to carry a load on the Sabbath day or bring it through the gates of Jerusalem. Do not bring a load out of your houses or do any work on the Sabbath, but keep the Sabbath day holy, as I commanded your forefathers. Yet they did not listen or pay attention; they were stiff-necked and would not listen or respond to discipline. But if you are careful to obey me, declares the Lord, and bring no load through the gates of this city on the Sabbath, but keep the Sabbath day holy by not doing any work on it, then kings who sit on David's throne will come through the gates of this city with their officials." Then verse 27: "But if you do not obey me to keep the Sabbath day holy...then I will kindle an unquenchable fire in the gates of Jerusalem that will consume her fortresses."

A feeling of something I can not describe shot through me. How could I have forgotten? I did not have to read that twice to know without a doubt what severe disobedience I had been in for nearly two years. Most of the days that I worked at the mall were on Sunday. And, if I had continued to work once a month...it would have been on Sunday! My last day at work was scheduled for a Sunday. I immediately called and said I was done.

I was dumbfounded with myself. When the Lord had revealed disobedience I didn't know what my sin was because I had forgotten, ignored and smoothed over the law. I was still going to church on Sundays so it was okay, right? The Lord did not want ME working on Sunday (This is not to suggest that everyone needs to abandon their work on Sundays. This is my personal conviction at this time). I felt that strongly. I was not putting the Lord first which was breaking the First Commandment also.

Sin is transgression of the law. "Whosoever commits sin transgresses also the law; for sin is the transgression of the law" (1 John 3:4). The Lord says in Matthew 7 that those who do not know him will depart from him! And, if we are sinning the Lord says we do not know him.

"Hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that says, I know him, and keeps not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him" (1 John 2:3,4).

And then there is this: "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all" (James 2:10). How many times had I read that verse? Hundreds of times? You only have to break one law to transgress all the laws of the Lord.

So where did this leave me? Broken to say the least. In a total state of contrition, confession and repentance. I was in a state of shock, not believing that, me, a strong believer could be so subtly deceived. I realized I had not been seeking him as deep as I should have. I was skimming the surface, dipping my toes in for a feel good moment every now and then. I was completely comfortable with my immaturity.

Examine yourself.

Review the commandments above and ask yourself if there is unconfessed sin in your life. What about sin in your past? If you are not sure ask the Lord to reveal it to you. If your heart is open he will let you know. Yes, we are all sinners. But are we turning away from it? Are we desiring to turn away from it?

(Part II -- State of Repentance -- coming soon!)

Lucky Seven

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETH!

Today Beth is 7 years old! Wow 7!















I think 7 is the age of a special degree of maturity. Seven says you are no longer the little girl in pig tails but now are growing into a sweet young lady. With the age of seven we leave behind first grade, another soccer season, and another year of AWANA. It makes me sad to see her growing up so fast but leaves me so impressed with her accomplishments.


She is becoming so much more independent but still gets scared during a thunderstorm. She loves to play with her little brother and enjoys to have him tag along with her every where she goes -- once in a while.

She is an excellent reader and has a flair for drawing and art.

She loves to write me special notes and one in particular made my heart smile. It said, "You love God and I love God." Even at 7 she knows what makes her tick!





(Beth and friends having a hoot at her 7th birthday party at Gattitown.)

She is at the age where she is probably going to remember most things. Hopefully, she will remember the trouble that her Mom went through in order to find what she wanted for her birthday - a Webkinz. I searched this whole city for those things! Luckily, I found some in East Texas. Whew! Saved by overnight mail.

With the age of 7 comes talking on the telephone, wanting a telephone of her own, surfing the Internet, and hanging out with friends. What a life!

Here's to more memories my lucky seven!

Happy Birthday Beth! I Love You!

Tagged!

I've been tagged!

In the blogging world this means that I'm it.

I am now supposed to tell you ten things about myself that you don't know, or might find interesting about me, or a combination of both. Is that right? Anyway, I think this will be a challenge for me. After I tell my interesting tidbits then I am supposed to tag ten other people. That will be the hardest part as none of my friends or family has blogs. What is with that? What is wrong with you people? What scares me more is that I am probably going to have to email some of you to let you know that you are tagged. Hum, wonder if that is breaking the rules.

Well, here goes:

10) When I was growing up I lived on a farm in East Texas. I had to milk the cows before and after school -- well one cow. I would get up at 5 AM to do this. One morning my cow wasn't cooperating. I was frustrated with this cow. So, I bit her on the ear. I'm not kidding. I bit her. You should have seen the look of surprise on my face.

9) I've owned and driven five cars in my life. In about one more month it'll be number six. I think that is a lot. I drove a small Chevy truck when I was in high school. Then a Geo Spectrum (don't ask), a Honda Accord, and lately two Honda Odysseys. Death to the mini-van!

8) I love Sonic. I love it so much I go everyday. I can't start my day unless I have a 99 cent, huge 44 ounce foam cup in my hand. In fact, I've actually thought about writing a blog about my Sonic obsession. You would probably be surprised what I get to drink at Sonic. I'm not going to tell you! Maybe I will write a blog about it. You will just have to find that out later.

7) I absolutely detest unloading the dishwasher. I would rather be doing anything else than that. I can't even get my kids to do it. Guess they hate it too. I think that is going to have to change. I think the long arm of the law is going to have to come down on that one.

6) On the other hand, I absolutely love to load the dishwasher. The thought of all those dirty things getting clean is really a fantastic feeling. Come to think of it, I also like to hear the dishwasher running. And the longer the better. No speed cycles for me. Seriously! SHHH! Don't tell the 'save the water' folks.

5) Like my friend Lisa, I also really love crime shows. I think it must be that investigative journalistic mind that emerges every now and then. Who done it? Law and Order: Criminal Intent is my favorite one. But even more than crime shows I love science fiction best. I was a huge X-Files fan and will watch any and all reruns of it. I also like any kind of good vs. evil movie like all the Lord of the Rings and Star Wars. Did you know that George Lucas produced Star Wars so young people would seek after God? Luke, stay away from the dark side.

4) And now for something quirky. I have a shoe fetish. No, not that I love to buy shoes. I must be wearing shoes. I never like to go barefoot unless I'm at the beach standing in the sand or I'm in the shower (otherwise, shoes must be on my feet at all times). Preferably with socks.

3) I picked both of my kids names when I was in high school. Yep. No joking. I'm still amazed by it.

2) For some reason, I add numbers together. If I pass a sign with numbers on it like the speed limit or a mile marker I will add the numbers together. Like speed limit 45...4+5=9. Mile marker 192...1+9+2=12. Don't even ask. I can't explain it!

1) I'm so glad that I know there is more required for eternal life than just saying a Christian sinner's prayer. By grace I have repented and I am born again.

And now who to tag. Since most (all of you) don't have a blog, well, you are still going to have to do it. Just answer in the comment section at the end of this post. You can keep it short. Don't be party poopers!

Tag list: (Tag list removed by Editor)

Celebrate Freedom 2007

I am so excited for this year for Celebrate Freedom 2007, the largest free outdoor concert in America, sponsored by KLTY radio.

It is scheduled for June 29 & 30 at the usual location at Southfork Ranch in Allen, Texas.

This year the concert features Luis Palau and I have signed up to be a decision counselor through our church. In addition, I hope to participate in one-on-one witnessing opportunities for the Lord (more to come on this).

The concert is featuring Natalie Grant, Casting Crowns, Phillips, Craig & Dean, Aaron Shust, and Nichole Nordeman among others!

If you are around, come celebrate with us!

Celebrate Freedom 2007