Weary

Spring is in the air...but not today. Today, I'm tired. The weather is rainy, damp and chilly. I just want to lay my head down in the clothes that I just took out of the dryer and sleep.

As I mindlessly fold shirts, I look around our house that we have been in for over a year now and realize that it needs some serious spring cleaning. The kind that will take weeks...not days. When we first moved in I thought I would really enjoy having our laundry room on the second floor. It'll be great to have it right next to the kids rooms. They will be so wonderful and responsible and just toss all their dirty clothes right into the hamper! I have to admit they do get most of the clothes in there. But it's that one straggler that you've seen laying in the same spot for several days now that gets ya. It calls out to you like the bully on the playground, "Nah, nah, boo boo, I'm a stinky sock and you are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Well, you're full of (gasp)...holes!"

Then I realize...I'm actually having a conversation with a sock. Scary.

Sometimes I feel like I will never get over the weariness. The tick-tock of life going by without a thought. The feeling that you will never catch up, never get organized, never be the perfect friend, wife, or mother. The proverbial rat race of just going through the motions. I realize this is what can wear you out too...trying to do it all without stopping and asking for directions. I am guilty of this...so guilty.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." (Isaiah 40:29)

Days like this are actually mirrors of reflection for me. I seem to be having a lot of days like this lately. How far have I come? Where am I going next? What is the Lord showing me? It's more than just going through the motions...it's setting the wheels in motion. It's turning down the one way road instead of heading full speed in the direction that you are feeling at the moment.

"This is what the Lord says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go." (Isaiah 48:17)

Sometimes I don't want to take direction. I still want to go my own way. I want to let out the fishing line as far as it will go and catch everything in sight. I asked the Lord why sometimes I just didn't want to go in the right direction. I confirmed through his Word that I can sometimes struggle with unbelief and trust.

That was a big piece of humbleness pie for me. How can I be so stubborn? How can I not TRUST Him? "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." (Psalm 9:10)

As the rain continues to fall, I feel stronger, knowing that the Lord is leading me. He is showing me the things in which I have grown weak and weary.

He is preparing me. He is leading me down the path of righteousness.

I still have a long way to go.