State of Examination

(Part I)
I have been in a state of examination.

A state of re-examination of sorts.

Several months ago I began a thorough review of my heart. I felt as though I was missing some pieces and wanted to find out what they were. I began earnestly praying for the Lord to restore me physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I began asking the Lord to reveal to me what, if anything, was hindering my walk with Him. What astonished me the most was the revelation that perhaps I had not been a true believer all of the time...I had fallen away.

The Lord reminded me that those who do not keep his commandments, his law, are headed for eternal destruction. I had been a backslider, lukewarm in my zeal for the Lord. This was a dangerous place to be. "Who will have pity on you, O Jerusalem? Who will mourn for you? Who will stop to ask how you are? You have rejected me, declares the Lord. You keep on backsliding. So I will lay hands on you and destroy you; I can no longer show compassion"(Jeremiah 15: 5-6).

What are his commandments? What are his laws?

All we have to do is look at the Ten Commandments.

(From Exodus 20)
1) You shall have no other gods before me. (Jesus says that we should love him above anything else including our work and our own family. What are you putting first in your life?)

2) You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. (This also means that you should not make up your own god to suit your sins; like one that doesn't judge.)

3) You shall not take the name of the Lord in vain. (blasphemy; includes taking his name in vain out of excitement. I was watching Trading Spaces: Family one day and cringed, the whole family said it about 20 times in about five minutes; Hollywood and movies are full of blasphemy.)

4) Keep the Sabbath Day holy. (The Lord strongly convicted me about working on Sunday.)

5) Honor your father and mother. (Do you have misgivings, bitterness, or hatred toward a parent? This is not honor.)

6) You shall not commit murder. (The Lord says if you have hatred in your heart -- now or in the past, you have committed murder in His eyes - 1 John 3:15)

7) You shall not commit adultery. (The Lord says whoever looks on a man/woman to lust has committed adultery with them in their heart - Matt 5:28)

8) You shall not steal. (Like cheating on your taxes or taking things from work no matter how little.)

9) You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor. (In other words, you should not lie); how many fibs, lies or white lies to your kids does it take to be a liar? Just one. "But for the cowardly and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death" (Revelation 21:8).

10) You shall not covet your neighbor's house (jealousy).

I was sitting in church recently when my eyes drifted to a verse several passages away from the one we were reading. The passage was about disobedience.

"But if you will not obey the voice of the Lord your God or be careful to do all his commandments and his statutes that I command you today, then all these curses shall come upon you and overtake you. Cursed shall you be in the city, and cursed shall you be in the field. Cursed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl. Cursed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Cursed shall you be when you come in, and cursed shall you be when you go out"(Deuteronomy 28:15-19).

Something suddenly was alerted in my spirit. I felt the Lord was telling me that I was in disobedience. But to what? I wasn't sure. I thought perhaps I had just made it up in my head. I shrugged it off. A few days later, I was contemplating how to continue my part-time job at the mall and my jump back into the family mortgage business. I had already put in my notice at the mall but they were wanting me to stay. I love working at the mall so I was really torn about what to do. I couldn't imagine why the decision was so difficult for me. I considered staying on and just cutting my work days down to only once or twice a month.

As I was flipping through the Bible I happened upon Jeremiah 17:21-24 "This is what the Lord says; Be careful not to carry a load on the Sabbath day or bring it through the gates of Jerusalem. Do not bring a load out of your houses or do any work on the Sabbath, but keep the Sabbath day holy, as I commanded your forefathers. Yet they did not listen or pay attention; they were stiff-necked and would not listen or respond to discipline. But if you are careful to obey me, declares the Lord, and bring no load through the gates of this city on the Sabbath, but keep the Sabbath day holy by not doing any work on it, then kings who sit on David's throne will come through the gates of this city with their officials." Then verse 27: "But if you do not obey me to keep the Sabbath day holy...then I will kindle an unquenchable fire in the gates of Jerusalem that will consume her fortresses."

A feeling of something I can not describe shot through me. How could I have forgotten? I did not have to read that twice to know without a doubt what severe disobedience I had been in for nearly two years. Most of the days that I worked at the mall were on Sunday. And, if I had continued to work once a month...it would have been on Sunday! My last day at work was scheduled for a Sunday. I immediately called and said I was done.

I was dumbfounded with myself. When the Lord had revealed disobedience I didn't know what my sin was because I had forgotten, ignored and smoothed over the law. I was still going to church on Sundays so it was okay, right? The Lord did not want ME working on Sunday (This is not to suggest that everyone needs to abandon their work on Sundays. This is my personal conviction at this time). I felt that strongly. I was not putting the Lord first which was breaking the First Commandment also.

Sin is transgression of the law. "Whosoever commits sin transgresses also the law; for sin is the transgression of the law" (1 John 3:4). The Lord says in Matthew 7 that those who do not know him will depart from him! And, if we are sinning the Lord says we do not know him.

"Hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments. He that says, I know him, and keeps not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him" (1 John 2:3,4).

And then there is this: "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all" (James 2:10). How many times had I read that verse? Hundreds of times? You only have to break one law to transgress all the laws of the Lord.

So where did this leave me? Broken to say the least. In a total state of contrition, confession and repentance. I was in a state of shock, not believing that, me, a strong believer could be so subtly deceived. I realized I had not been seeking him as deep as I should have. I was skimming the surface, dipping my toes in for a feel good moment every now and then. I was completely comfortable with my immaturity.

Examine yourself.

Review the commandments above and ask yourself if there is unconfessed sin in your life. What about sin in your past? If you are not sure ask the Lord to reveal it to you. If your heart is open he will let you know. Yes, we are all sinners. But are we turning away from it? Are we desiring to turn away from it?

(Part II -- State of Repentance -- coming soon!)