Expectation

Do you ever get the feeling that you are supposed to be doing something?

It's not a feeling of I'm supposed to going to the grocery store right now or I must take the car in and get the oil changed.

It is something deeper.

Something you feel might take a long time to discover but you know in the end that you will find it. The best way to describe it is like I have jumped off the edge of a pool and I am swimming underwater. I can see the side of the pool clearly but it is taking me a while to get there. I am not out of breath. I am looking in all directions trying to find the best and fastest way to reach the edge. The prospect of reaching the edge excites me. I know when I reach the edge it will not be the end of my journey but the beginning.

For the past few months I've had a yearning for some sort of waiting expectation. It's like a gentle tugging at your heart that there is something out there waiting for you but you can't quite put your finger on it. It is just beyond your grasp but you know it is there. Waiting on you to stumble upon it like a long lost friend who suddenly emerges when you least expect it and says the right thing at exactly the right moment. You don't know if it is something that you are supposed to be doing in place of something else or in addition to it.

Before I got married this was the type of expectation that I had. I knew that I would get married and that and old part of my life would end and a new one would begin. I would leave the protection of the pool and pull myself over the edge with new expectations and challenges ahead of me.

In my newly refocused quest for the Lord, I believe that guarded expectation is preparing me for the eternal work of His kingdom. Perhaps what I search for is the continued blessings that he promises for those who follow Him wholeheartedly. It is a search for that perfection in Him that can only be obtained by seeking and praying for His will to be done.

The thought is always there though that if I am not careful I could risk staying in the pool too long. I would risk leaning on my own understanding of how to reach the edge. I would risk being devoured by the unseen sharks seeking to kill and destroy. "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). This is when I must ask myself does this yearning come from the Lord? The enemy is cunning and clever. He wants us to focus our attention on anything that will not uplift and glorify the kingdom of heaven. But then I also must ask myself would the enemy be placing yearning or the possibility of glorious expectation on my heart if he knew it was going to further my development in the quest for the Lord? Probably not!

I often hear stories of those wanting to join a crusade for Christ. They feel a tug to be a missionary, donate money, start a bible study group, or reach out to the unsaved. But then the thought fades and they wonder if it was a 'sign' from the Lord. They think perhaps it is not the right time. If our heart was truly seeking the things of the Lord, why would the Lord not be sending us to further his Kingdom? "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his Father's glory with the holy angels." (Mark 8:34-38)

So, this is where I must leave all feelings in check and step out into the conviction of the Lord with sustained faith and prayer. I do so with full knowledge that the progression of my deepening walk with the Lord will lead to fulfillment in Him.

This fulfillment begins by swimming to the edge.

And, in this ongoing journey it is more than just getting to the edge and stopping. It is our calling, our duty to release ourselves from the seemingly comfortable pool.

"We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil" (Hebrews 5:11-14).

Will you step out over the edge?