Open Book

My daughter recently witnessed me reading my Bible and mentioned that I must really love God because I was always reading my Bible. My heart was warmed to hear that and was glad that I could be some kind of example to her in that manner.

The next week, the lady that helps me clean my house told me that she never knew anybody that had faith like I did. I took that as a great compliment too. Once again, it was great to have encouragement from someone that hardly knows you. To be an example is something I struggle with daily and it was nice to see that some work the Lord was doing was paying off to someone that you least expected to notice.

But little do they know. Little do they know how difficult it is sometimes to concentrate on growing my faith. How hard it is sometimes to wrestle with my flesh and sinful desires and thoughts. They don't really know that I get discouraged and down right overwhelmed. They would probably be surprised to hear my prayers. The ones that are full of whining and complaining. The ones that are full of fear and doubt. The ones that wail to God with loneliness and despair. The ones that you don't want anyone to see the weakness but it shows forth anyway with vengeance because I wear it on my sleeve. The ones where I question my faith all together and wonder if I have any faith at all anymore.

"He whose life is one even and smooth path, will see but little of the glory of the Lord, for he has few occasions of self-emptying, and hence, but little fitness for being filled with the revelation of God. They who navigate little streams and shallow creeks, know but little of the God of tempests; but they who 'do business in great waters', these see His 'wonders in the deep'. Among the huge Atlantic-waves of bereavement, poverty, temptation, and reproach, we learn the power of Jehovah, because we feel the littleness of man. Thank God, then, if you have been led by a rough road: it is this which has given you your experience of God's greatness and loving-kindness. Your troubles have enriched you with a wealth of knowledge to be gained by no other means: your trials have been the cleft of the rock in which Jehovah has set you, as He did His servant Moses, that you might behold His glory as it passed by. Praise God that you have not been left to the darkness and ignorance which continued prosperity might have involved, but that in the great fight of affliction, you have been capacitated for the outshinings of His glory in His wonderful dealings with you." --Charles Spurgeon

In the midst of my struggles, if I had remained in the shallow waters I wouldn't have cried out to God. I wouldn't have needed to and thus I wouldn't have received the knowledge that He is pouring upon me now. God's timing is so precise and perfect! Thank goodness that my life is an open book to the Lord. It's all laid out there and He can see every word of it. He can see that although I can struggle at times I am desperately seeking Him. I am trying to learn how to believe and have more faith. Nothing escapes our Lord as He knows the innermost workings of my heart and thoughts (Psalm 94:11). To some that is a scary notion but to me it is comforting because He knows where my heart is and what it is really seeking after. Even so, there is much work to be done. He will melt me with fire to purify me so that I can share in His righteousness.

Remember the Israelites after they had been freed from slavery in Egypt? There was no rejoicing in their freedom. No thankfulness for the God who freed them and was leading them into the Promised Land. The Lord said that they were just wailing on their beds and not crying out to Him. Boy, what a fine pack of people huh? You wouldn't want to be around that group with a ten-foot pole. Oh, but alas -- if you looked closely and probably not very hard -- I'd be right there with them! I'd be the one throwing up my hands and wailing on my bed!

Recently I was reading Matthew 8:26. The disciples are on a boat with Jesus who is sleeping when a sudden storm comes up and fear grips them. I can see them with wide eyes watching the waves and the storm all around them as fear wants to gobble them up. They hurriedly awaken Jesus who asks them,"Why are you fearful, O you of little faith." Jesus then rebukes the wind and the seas and I love what happens next -- there was a great calm. What goes through my head when I read that is boy those disciples were so lucky! All they had to do was go wake up Jesus who was right there on the boat with them! Yet they still had no faith! We are in good company are we not?

In his book Running Scared**, author Edward T. Welch says this, "When we complain, we hold him in contempt. The white lies we tell are against the God of truth. The anger we display is murderous toward others and stands in judgment of God himself. And it is not just what we do that is so serious; it is also what we don't do. We don't love God and neighbor with our whole heart. In our spiritual indifference we can go for days thinking that our personal interests are paramount; that is, we forget God. When there is persistent sin, there is no fear of God (Rom 3:18)."

Through it all the Lord is teaching me to trust in Him and not in my fears and worries and the fruitless opinions of others. My interests for my life are not important. It all boils down to conquering sin. Concentrating on my fear and worry makes me look inward to myself as I feed off the insecurities. After a while it's all I know. And that makes it a lot harder to look up. The Israelites never battled their sin and were never were allowed into the Promised Land. If they were truly pursuing God, then they would have been very concerned about the sin in their life. That is what it is ALL about.

Here is what Welch says about sin, "The reality is that the Spirit convicts of sin. One piece of evidence of kingdom life is that you will see more sin, not less. Outside the kingdom of heaven, there is no concern about sin. That doesn't mean that unbelievers are so bad; it means that they are indifferent to the fact that their sin is against God. They hide the more shameful sins, but they don't do battle with them. When you are brought into the kingdom of light, you both see sin and, for the first time, get in a battle with it. The battle means you are alive."

What I trust in most is what I want to hang onto. But I am letting go.

Slowly. Surely. I am. I will. The work He has started in me will be complete.

And my hope is in my God who works all things for good to those who trust in Him.

Lord, I am an open book. Rewrite the chapters. Make me a best seller for your Kingdom.

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory. Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them (Col 3:1-7).

**I recommend: Running Scared