I Grew Up A "Christian"

I have always wanted to do a post on my testimony but I couldn't quite put into words anything about it. I think probably because some part of me was still shocked that I had called myself a real Christian.

See, I did grow up in a Christian home. I did all the "right" things. No smoking, drinking, cussing, and I hardly dated at all until after high school and I didn't participate in the things that "dating" included either. I was a good person with a good heart. However, now I know my definition of good did not meet up with biblical standards. My parents owned a Christian book store that I worked in all through high school. I felt that it was very important to keep up the image that I should be portraying Christ in every word and manner. And I did. I kept up with the image because I thought I needed to. But there was no sense of sincere conviction in my life. No sense of who Jesus is and what He had done for me. When I did do something that I felt was particularly bad I would just feel bad about it and move on. There was no feeling of true repentance and utter distaste for sin. I still longed to do what everybody else was doing and I told myself that I was a better Christian because I didn't follow through with all of those actions. How bogus I was! I knew what God did for me. I believed it. I longed for others to have that closeness and understanding with me. But that was just it. I did it for me. I didn't do it for the glory of God.

In college I believe that God worked more diligently with me. I did continue to grow and learn about the things of the Lord. But I still wasn't regenerated into a new person. My understanding was still very shallow.

Until just a few years ago, I was still on this path until God really moved my heart and began to show me that I wasn't such a great person after all. He shook me to the core and my walk and my talk has not been the same since. He literally broke me and it was my questioning and crying out to Him as to what He was doing that eventually changed me. My heart is different. My outlook on sin is completely different. My hope and my compassion for others has truly changed. Even now, He is still working with me in quite a few areas. But my understanding of what is required to enter the kingdom of heaven is quite different than what I thought I understood about it years ago.

If you have a few minutes (the video is about 17 minutes and well worth the time) watch the following testimony of Susan Yenser. She is a basketball player with the University of Florida. As I was listening to her testimony I was floored at how similar to mine it was. Towards the end of the video she says so many people thought she was crazy because she had always proclaimed that she was a Christian and now she was denouncing that and saying no NOW she really is a Christian. This describes me to a tee. Self-righteously, and I see this a lot in modern Christianity, it is hard to admit that I am really just a filthy rag and no amount of labeling or church-going or looking like a "Christian" will change any of that.

God says that He will give us a new heart. One that despises sin and wants to put on the new self. Perhaps you are in that place and are not quite comfortable with where you are. You feel like something is out of place and you are not feeling like God has your whole heart. You might be right. Examine your life. Pray that God places the desire in your heart to truly turn to Him. Pray that He grows that desire stronger in your life everyday and that He creates in you a clean heart. As Susan mentions in her testimony, you might find that you are battling sin even more as God begins the sanctification process in you. I find this to be absolutely and honestly very painfully true as God works in my life to expose the areas of darkness.

I am eternally grateful that the Lord had me examine my life and that I listened. I am praising Him for choosing me and supernaturally changing me!

Please watch the video!